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Thursday, September 19 2019 @ 08:25 am EDT

For Sale: Wonderful Beachfront Shithole for Only $2.3 Million Dollars

Expat Tales

By DON WINNER for - The world is full of absolute knuckleheads. As they say, you don't have to be crazy to live in Panama, but apparently it sure helps. I first had a run-in with a character named Niels Hartvig-Nielsen back in February of 2006. To make a long and relatively boring story short, he missed out on a good real estate deal because he was too jittery, too nervous, and was afraid to pay a standard 10% down payment and sign a contract in order to secure a nice piece of property. The seller got tired of dicking around with this guy and simply moved on to the next buyer, who was standing there with a check. And of course this whole thing turned into the fault of the real estate agents, and Niels Hartvig-Nielsen refused to accept any of the blame or responsibility - at least until his arm was firmly twisted. Now, several years later, Niels Hartvig-Nielsen has become one of the most vocal "anti-Panama" activists, which is both funny and ironic considering that he's currently trying to sell a property in Panama for more than $2.3 million dollars. Meanwhile, thanks to our run-in several years ago, he also feels the need to insult me personally. (more)

I Gave Him A Chance To Apologize: I called this Niels Hartvig-Nielsen character directly and gave him a chance to apologize. I asked him to send me a written apology via email immediately, and if he did so then it would end there. His response was basically little more than a justification of his actions. OK, fine - here we go. I gave up on pleasing everyone a long time ago, and of course by stating my opinions daily and by choosing to operate in a relatively public manner then I'm exposing myself to a higher than normal degree of scrutiny and criticism. Additionally, it's perfectly natural for others to disagree with my opinions, and in reality I wouldn't have it any other way. However, with all of that having been said, there is no reason whatsoever why I should stand silently by and not respond to his vicious personal attacks against my person, or to allow them to stand unanswered. This article is part of my response, and there will be more to follow. In short, Niels Hartvig-Nielsen will realize in very short order that making such a vicious personal attack against me was a very big mistake, indeed. The rest of you are about to watch me unload on this guy. Now would be a good time to go get a coke and a sandwich while I tune up.

"Beachfront Property For Sale in Buenaventura" Niels Hartvig-Nielsen is currently trying to sell a piece of property in Panama for more than $2.3 million dollars. You can see the listing on the Escape Artist website. You can also see the details of this property at, and it is also listed on, Planet Property, and Consider this free advertising. If you would like to contact Mr. Niels Hartvig-Nielsen you can send him an email - Golly, I hope no spam engines pick that up... You can also call him at home - (507) 394-1882 or on his cell (507) 6684-5668. You know, if you want to spend $2.3 million dollars for a condo in Panama, because Panama is such a great place and all.

"Panama Is A Shit Hole" Hey, that's not something you should put in a sales brochure, is it? Well, listen to what Mr. Niels Hartvig-Nielsen wrote about Panama just yesterday:

  • "Panama is a shit hole, why would you want to move here ? To be ripped off , abused, hated by the locals, to lower your standard of life and pay more for the privilege. To have the most valuable thing you have , your time, stolen on a regular basis. What is the reason ? To save money ? You won't (unless you want to live like the poor in Panama). To save taxes ? You won't your an American, Do you really want to be arrested when you get off the plane one day to visit your friends and relatives ? ."

  • "Do you really want to live in a moldy humid place that shortens your respiratory life or a place with no safety standards where you can fry on the 8th floor of a tower or die in an ambulance trapped in traffic that will not yield ? Do you want to pay more for this privilege? Thats what it will take. There are little or no savings here . That is reality. it will cost you more to keep a place here, than taxes you would pay in Washington, Nevada and several other states. Gonna run from the Feds ? Bush Obama ? see much difference? Torrijos, Martinelli think there will be any difference ? well at least you will get a vote in the US. And you will have a justice system that is not purchased."

  • "I am five years here and I have to say I was gullible stupid and a dreamer. There are few if any benefits to changing your whole life and leaving friends and family behind. Panama is a dream that will turn into a nightmare and the only ones that will disagree with me will be those with vested interests protecting their cash (in the interest of screwing you)."

  • "This is a land founded by Pirates, inhabited by Pirates and with a Pirate mentality. Stab the guy next to you for a larger share of the treasure (that isn't really there to begin with) Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

  • "PanamaNiels"

At Least He's Consistent: Back in April of 2008 Mr. Niels Hartvig-Nielsen posted the following as a comment to an article titled "Luxury property: Why the rich are looking to Latin America" that appeared in the Times Online:

  • "Panama is a 3 dressed up as a nine totally over rated . A legend in its own mind. A nation billed as a top retirement destination with dangerous. and gridlocked traffic, no handicapped facilities, few sidewalks with dangerous uncovered holes. Deadly diesel spewing buses race for 25 cent fares and kill 3 people a month, injuring 40. Imagine an older person here and the reality that there is no fire equipment capable of a rescue above 7 floors, ambulances with wailing sirens stuck in traffic and a system where no one gives way. You will be under house arrest here in Panama City. Move to the countryside you say ? OK but do not get sick, or stung by deadly scorpions, snakes. Medical services are scant and very simple. Remember this, everything sounds and looks better on the internet and when you talk to a realtor or someone selling something. It is cheaper and more comfortable to stay home in the US where you can buy a place cheaper and expect a cop or firefighter to show up. Niels, Panama, Panama"

Even Bashing Panama on Ecuador Boards: In a discussion about living in Panama, Niels Hartvig-Nielsen posted the following on Ecuadorean Coastal;

  • "Niels Hartvig-Nielsen said… for the life of me, after 5 years of living here, I cannot see where it is that much, if at all, cheaper to live here. Sure, if you are from New York or LA but then it is cheaper to live in Michigan, as well. I pay almost 20 cents a KWH for electricity versus 7.5 at home. Most grocery products and alcohol cost equal or more. Cars , electronics, other recreational toys, are significantly more. Insurance is more. Every little detail of normal day to day life takes ten times longer and there is a cost to that. Flights are very expensive here so add travel back to visit the US and your budget quickly tips. Then there is the value issue. Many things are of poor quality here as well. With the current real estate prices in North America now, If you really look at things close I would tend to call it a wash. I pay almost the same price for dental as I do in North America but the work is superior in North America (from my experience). Medical is cheaper here for sure but as more and more people here charge “gringo prices” the spread is very small indeed to consider living in a third world country with many many safety and quality of life issues."

Living Here, Doing Business Here: Why would anyone want to live in a self-described shithole? Mr. Niels Hartvig-Nielsen is apparently working away in Panama, and has established several companies. From what I can tell he's an established "cyber-squatter", the guys who buy up domains that are near or close to actual or valid websites. Then they throw up little bogus or bullshits websites, just trying to scrape a few bucks from Google ads or whatever. He has dozens of these sites registered. For example;

  • Domain name:
  • Registrant Contact:
  • 618085 B.C. LTD.
  • NULL NULL ()
  • Fax:
  • 14234 Kontney Road
  • Mission, BC V2V4J1
  • CA
  • Administrative Contact:
  • Vista Azul Investments Inc
  • Niels Hartvig-Nielsen ()
  • +507.50766845668
  • Fax: +1.6046894430
  • Suite 489 APDO 0832-2745 World Trade Center
  • Panama, 0832-2745
  • PA
  • Technical Contact:
  • Vista Azul Investments Inc
  • Niels Hartvig-Nielsen ()
  • +507.50766845668
  • Fax: +1.6046894430
  • Suite 489 APDO 0832-2745 World Trade Center
  • Panama, 0832-2745
  • PA

Trying To Make Some Serious Money In The "Shithole" Mr. Niels Hartvig-Nielsen posted the following to the Panama Forum Yahoo email group on 19 September 2007: "I have a nice new, 3000 square foot home a short walk from the beach which would sell today for under 350K." Damn! Now he's asking more than $2.3 million for the same property? Talk about mark-up! So, do you think he'll get his asking price? I seriously doubt it, considering it's in a shit hole. Oh well, that's life. Or if you do still want to come to Panama, you might want to find another property that's not being marked up by a whack-job by about 1,000%. But hey, maybe you're nuts too... Welcome to Panama, you'll fit right in.

Copyright 2009 by Don Winner for Go ahead and use whatever you like as long as you credit the source. Salud.

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For Sale: Wonderful Beachfront Shithole for Only $2.3 Million Dollars | 1 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.
For Sale: Wonderful "Luxury" Beachfront Shithole
Authored by: Anonymous on Saturday, March 28 2009 @ 05:58 pm EDT

is $2,300,000 the pre-construction price?
if so, what an amazing value!
i'll buy it for cash, immediately (with 3 conditions):
1) if the real estate commission is no more than 10%,
2) i don't have to wait more than 2 years for the completion of the construction,
3) it is panamanian titled property.
(yet another grin)