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Monday, September 23 2019 @ 09:01 am EDT

The Great Wall of China in Latin America? Pretty, Dumb, or Pretty Damn Dumb...

Entertainment By DON WINNER for Panama-Guide.com - File this one under "entertainment." I simply love these beauty pageants, where lovely young ladies are willing to walk out on stage wearing nothing more than a thong, high heels, and a smile - to parade in front of millions of people, with perfectly coiffed hair, professional makeup, surgically enhanced in all the right places, and looking as hot as the sun - only to demonstrate before the entire world exactly how unfathomably stupid they actually are. Last night the participants in the "Reina Hispanoamerica 2009" (Latin American Queen 2009), being held in the Bolivian city of Sucre, were all asked the same set of questions, mostly regarding the history of Latin America. Now, this program was taped last night and thus far the YouTube videos are apparently not yet available (I can't wait...) Obviously being the prettiest woman in Latin America doesn't have anything to do with being the smartest, because from among the gems that plopped down on stage last night - Christopher Columbus first set foot in America just 29 years ago in 1980 according to Melanie Mir from Spain, and the Great Wall of China is one of the Wonders of the World to be found in Latin America according to Joyce Jacobi from Panama. And who's in first place in this contest after the first round? Melanie Mir, of course. Who gives a crap about Christopher Columbus anyway - she's hot... (more)

Caption Contest! This is Joyce Jacobi from Panama, and after her answer last night about the Great Wall of China being in Latin America, this photo just begs for a caption contest. "Hey Joyce, point to the Great Wall of China!" It's right over there, next to the Ginger Snaps, which come from the land of Ginger, named after the island where she was stranded with Gilligan. This isn't a new phenomenon - pretty and dumb have gone together for a long time. Hey - there's a potential genetics study for you. Any chance someone could prove that guys selectively choose girls who are both every good looking and dumb as rocks to boff, thus improving the chances of those genes being passed on to future generations? I mean, it makes perfect sense. The girl is hot so the guys are attracted like bees to honey, but she's really stupid so she's willing to do it in the bathroom at Walmart with a redneck from the trailer park. Therefore over time chicks are getting both better looking and dumber (with the added boost from the trailer park dude.) As a result these kinds of beauty pageants will just become more fun over time. I'm down with that... Well, there's a wild card - add tequila and the fat, smart chicks get their chance at about 2:30 am. It would be a tough algorithm to develop, but I'm sure it's possible.

Meet Miss Spain: Do you really friggin' care if this chick thinks Christopher Columbus first set foot in Latin America in 1980? I actually blame the organizers of this contest for trying to make her look bad. I mean, my questions would be like "what's that white stuff in the salt shaker called, Melanie?" Followed up with "if I were a judge in this contest and we were out doing shots of tequila together, from what part of my body would you most like to lick the salt?" I mean, Christopher Columbus? Who gives a flying rat's ass? Hey Melanie - where would be the best place to give me a lap dance, La Niña, La Pinta, or La Santa María? (Don't think, just pick one...)

Filtering For Real Ignorance: Here's a test - ask a question of 21 beauty pageant participants, and find the question that most of them actually get right. In this case - "What's the longest river in the world." Fifteen out of twenty one beauty queens (and only 15) got the right answer - the Amazon - which of course also happens to be in Latin America. However Miss Argentina, María Celeste Cavallo, went with the Paraná, which runs through Brazil, Paraguay, and Argentina...

  • "The Paraná River (Spanish: Río Paraná, Portuguese: Rio Paraná) is a river in south central South America, running through Brazil, Paraguay and Argentina over a course of some 2,570 kilometers (1,600 miles). This length increases to 3,998 km (2,484 miles) if the distance is counted from the headwaters of the Paranaiba River in Brazil. It is considered second in size only to the Amazon River among South American rivers. The name Paraná comes from the Tupi language and means "like the sea" (that is, "as big as the sea")."

Brian Sturgeons, They Ain't: And again, who cares? I love this stuff. Here in Panama the gaff made by Joyce Jacobi made the national news as yet another embarrassment bestowed upon the Republic by a Bubbling Bodacious Bikini Babe Abroad. They still remember when Giosue Cozzarelli provided her thoughts on the quote from Confucius - "Learning without thought is labor lost." She answered - "Good evening Panama. Confucius, was one of those who invented confusion, and that's why ... one of the most ancient... one of the Chinese ... Japanese ... that was the most ancient. Thank you." Whoops. You can see the video here.

Copyright 2009 by Don Winner for Panama-Guide.com. Go ahead and use whatever you like as long as you credit the source. Salud.

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